บ้านเลขที่สาม

What is new in my life? Nothing. All I want to do is enjoy good music,devour on scrumptious food and have a couple of buddies to hang around with me. Check. Check. Check. But still there's this feeling of emptiness. I don't feel satisfied with what I have and I'm always looking for something. I feel that life is unfair but you have just got to move on. Be great. Be great. That's all I hear but the thing is I'm basically starting out with a blank canvas. I don't have any plans,not even a smudge. I want to be successful,I want to be remembered. But will it be for the right reasons? I want to be this,I want to be that. The time I have is limited on this earth and I know deep down somewhere I can still pull something out of the bag. Not sure what it's going to be but I'll stay determined. Soon I'm going to turn 18 and I'm going to blow the birthday candles. If there is a cake of course,considering that I'm a pathetic low life. I don't feel like myself. I'm not happy as I used to be. Maybe it's the country I'm occupied in right now,maybe it's the responsibilities I'm not ready to take up or maybe I'm just being a twat. Everything happens for a reason and I only got myself to blame. Happiness is temporary these days. I always feel like I need a escape. I want to start life some where new. Like that's going to happen. I'm just going to do my best and get my diploma. I want to start a business without a doubt. Whether it's going to take me a year,10 years and even 50. I'm going to get there. I will not live the lives of the sheep. I want to be unique,special in a way much different than others,I want to stand out. These addictions got to stop. Whether it'd be smoking,drinking and hopefully I don't go to the point where I'm doing drugs. Death has always been another thing circling around my mind these last few years,I'm not sure why. Maybe I want to kill myself. Jump off a building,get shot in the head,get smashed into smithereens by a oil tanker. God only knows. If there is a god. Love. I don't feel it. Not anymore,not worth the risk. I'd rather hide under a shell rather than talking to a girl anymore. Got friend zoned enough. Maybe I just need a sign or two that life is going to turn around but right now all I can focus on is on school. I want to get good grades,prove people wrong and lastly make my parents proud, I want to let them know that their ever so pathetic son is going to prove them wrong. Slowly but surely. My mind is and will always be in a disarray and I don't think that I will ever reach a point where I'll have a peaceful mind. Although I've been in a state of trance. I know my grammar,vocabulary and sentence structures are bit messed up, so bear with me. So this is a post by me wishing you luck,as you step outside and venture through a world with endless possibilities. Hopefully I find myself still present on this earth in the next ten years.