numero dos.

What am I looking for in life? I'm not too sure either. I don't know what I want for my future. I'm not even prepared for the future. My mind is constantly racing looking for something I haven't seen,haven't felt and haven't heard. I feel like I've been left out of everything. But music keeps me going. I don't even think that what I'm writing here is linked or if it makes any sense. I hope I can feel happy but too bad my life is stale. Not poor,not rich but there is still that certain something that is missing in my life. Trying to find it. Whatever it is,I hope it will turn out to be something great. I feel unstable at most times as I feel as if I'm constantly judged and everyone finds me weird. Am I weird? I'm not sure either. I try to avoid as much conversations as much as possible as I don't want to annoy that someone. This will just make matters worse. It's just listening to music through my headphones,not giving a damn as to what is happening around me. I feel left out and I'm making an effort to get left out. I'm not good enough for anyone,I have no specific talents. It's all been a touch and go kinda thing. I am blessed to have done everything in the past,but I hope the people I knew were right here beside me now. It does not feel good to be in my shoes. I know my parents hate me but they can only bear on as I'm the only son. I somehow feel I can never get through this stage of depression and loneliness. I'm jealous of everybody living great lives while I sit here and ponder of how I can improve upon it. I still continue to drink and smoke which is a bad thing but it does numb the pain and suffering. Looking for something eternal but that day will either take years or maybe I'm just letting it slip by right out of my hands. Good things happen to good people and karma is coming back to haunt me. I just want to feel free but still in control. Maybe I just need that someone,that someone can guide me to the light. I will never be a man. On to the next one somebody call the waitress.