V.

Only wanted you and only you.

IV.

"There ain't a fucking thing in life that I can't accomplish
There ain't a fucking mind on earth that I can't astonish"

I'm already pretty sure what I want in the future. I'm going to fulfill my studies, try to get a decent job and squeeze all the money I can get from working. I probably want to start a business, it can either be a small clothing line, a restaurant with a couple of buddies or possibly photography. I also want to take up music, kinda regret not pursuing it as a child. Whatever happens in the future is unknown but I am looking forward to it. Everyone has their own definition of success and I am looking for it right now. Life is not about being in the same box every damn time and I want to get out it. "Get out of the routine" is what my good friend always says. This is just your random old rant post. I'm sure I'm going to be alone in the future as I'm not the type of person to go all out just to get a significant other. I can not always be there for that certain someone but if they do make the effort to stay in my life and try to get to know me better, who knows? I just want to travel, discover new things, learn the different cultures in the world and possibly understand the human race better. We might come from different backgrounds but we are all equal in a way. I know I always seem to get out of point with my posts because I am always thinking about something different every few minutes. So this is me conveying to you about what I'm going to do in 2014 and possibly the future. Taking it one day at a time and trying to appreciate about the things that I do and do not have. I'll go to Chicago someday.

บ้านเลขที่สาม

What is new in my life? Nothing. All I want to do is enjoy good music,devour on scrumptious food and have a couple of buddies to hang around with me. Check. Check. Check. But still there's this feeling of emptiness. I don't feel satisfied with what I have and I'm always looking for something. I feel that life is unfair but you have just got to move on. Be great. Be great. That's all I hear but the thing is I'm basically starting out with a blank canvas. I don't have any plans,not even a smudge. I want to be successful,I want to be remembered. But will it be for the right reasons? I want to be this,I want to be that. The time I have is limited on this earth and I know deep down somewhere I can still pull something out of the bag. Not sure what it's going to be but I'll stay determined. Soon I'm going to turn 18 and I'm going to blow the birthday candles. If there is a cake of course,considering that I'm a pathetic low life. I don't feel like myself. I'm not happy as I used to be. Maybe it's the country I'm occupied in right now,maybe it's the responsibilities I'm not ready to take up or maybe I'm just being a twat. Everything happens for a reason and I only got myself to blame. Happiness is temporary these days. I always feel like I need a escape. I want to start life some where new. Like that's going to happen. I'm just going to do my best and get my diploma. I want to start a business without a doubt. Whether it's going to take me a year,10 years and even 50. I'm going to get there. I will not live the lives of the sheep. I want to be unique,special in a way much different than others,I want to stand out. These addictions got to stop. Whether it'd be smoking,drinking and hopefully I don't go to the point where I'm doing drugs. Death has always been another thing circling around my mind these last few years,I'm not sure why. Maybe I want to kill myself. Jump off a building,get shot in the head,get smashed into smithereens by a oil tanker. God only knows. If there is a god. Love. I don't feel it. Not anymore,not worth the risk. I'd rather hide under a shell rather than talking to a girl anymore. Got friend zoned enough. Maybe I just need a sign or two that life is going to turn around but right now all I can focus on is on school. I want to get good grades,prove people wrong and lastly make my parents proud, I want to let them know that their ever so pathetic son is going to prove them wrong. Slowly but surely. My mind is and will always be in a disarray and I don't think that I will ever reach a point where I'll have a peaceful mind. Although I've been in a state of trance. I know my grammar,vocabulary and sentence structures are bit messed up, so bear with me. So this is a post by me wishing you luck,as you step outside and venture through a world with endless possibilities. Hopefully I find myself still present on this earth in the next ten years.

numero dos.

What am I looking for in life? I'm not too sure either. I don't know what I want for my future. I'm not even prepared for the future. My mind is constantly racing looking for something I haven't seen,haven't felt and haven't heard. I feel like I've been left out of everything. But music keeps me going. I don't even think that what I'm writing here is linked or if it makes any sense. I hope I can feel happy but too bad my life is stale. Not poor,not rich but there is still that certain something that is missing in my life. Trying to find it. Whatever it is,I hope it will turn out to be something great. I feel unstable at most times as I feel as if I'm constantly judged and everyone finds me weird. Am I weird? I'm not sure either. I try to avoid as much conversations as much as possible as I don't want to annoy that someone. This will just make matters worse. It's just listening to music through my headphones,not giving a damn as to what is happening around me. I feel left out and I'm making an effort to get left out. I'm not good enough for anyone,I have no specific talents. It's all been a touch and go kinda thing. I am blessed to have done everything in the past,but I hope the people I knew were right here beside me now. It does not feel good to be in my shoes. I know my parents hate me but they can only bear on as I'm the only son. I somehow feel I can never get through this stage of depression and loneliness. I'm jealous of everybody living great lives while I sit here and ponder of how I can improve upon it. I still continue to drink and smoke which is a bad thing but it does numb the pain and suffering. Looking for something eternal but that day will either take years or maybe I'm just letting it slip by right out of my hands. Good things happen to good people and karma is coming back to haunt me. I just want to feel free but still in control. Maybe I just need that someone,that someone can guide me to the light. I will never be a man. On to the next one somebody call the waitress.

номер один

just posts on the regular. i need to get a cam though. god is great but it leaves me bewildered. say hello to me if you see me. thanks for reading. watch this space. tacos are good,cigarettes are better and whiskey is for the wild. lonely man's quest. still looking for a concert buddy. feel free to comment.